Here's the Reader's Digest version...I am 40. I've had moderate depression since high school, which has always been a daily battle. For the past 5+ years, I've also been dealing with a 'illness' that the doctors want to diagnose as IBS. I am single and pretty much am on my own in dealing with this. I have a few friends that have helped me a bit over the years, but still... I've managed to keep my full-time job and thankful for FMLA.
The depression does not bother meas much as the IBS does. Over the past 5+ years, I've approached this from two angles...the spiritual and medical.
I've gone to healing Masses/services, Charismatic retreats, Adoration, am on many prayer lists, and so on. I have not been healed at any of these events.
I've also have gone to many doctors/specialists, and everyone of them, after a myriad of all kinds of tests and diagnosing procedures, all end up diagnosing me with IBS after ruling out Celiac, Crohns, Colitis, Diverticulitus, parasites, and so on. None of the doctors, to this date, have come up with a cure or a way to treat it where I can somewhat of a 'life'.
My depression is getting worse. I'm not suicidal, but if my life ended tomorrow, it would be fine with me. And yes, I've also been to many counselors/therapists, with no major help.
I have read many books on suffering. I have talked to many priests about suffering. To tell me to "offer it up" and "finding joy in my suffering" and so on is all fine and dandy on a logical level. I logically know that God won't allow anything to happen that I can't handle it.
But telling me this is not re-assuring me anymore.
I am struggling with working full time. I need the job--it pays the rent, provides health insurance and so on. I've been with the company for over 16 years now. I'm too "sick" to look for a new job; I can't afford not to work. I do not have a husband to support me, and the few family members I have are not in positions to help me. All my 'energy' is focused on work. I do not have a "social life" outside of work. The only 'extra-curricular' things I do are doctor appointments and Mass.
I do not know how much longer I can live this way. I feel myself getting 'mad' at God right now and turning bitter.
I am not asking for medical advice here, but I want to know how does one keep the faith, especially long-term, when dealing with long-term illness. How do I keep the hope? I live my life one day at a time. But I can't see myself living like this for another 20-30-40 years.
Thanks!
The depression does not bother meas much as the IBS does. Over the past 5+ years, I've approached this from two angles...the spiritual and medical.
I've gone to healing Masses/services, Charismatic retreats, Adoration, am on many prayer lists, and so on. I have not been healed at any of these events.
I've also have gone to many doctors/specialists, and everyone of them, after a myriad of all kinds of tests and diagnosing procedures, all end up diagnosing me with IBS after ruling out Celiac, Crohns, Colitis, Diverticulitus, parasites, and so on. None of the doctors, to this date, have come up with a cure or a way to treat it where I can somewhat of a 'life'.
My depression is getting worse. I'm not suicidal, but if my life ended tomorrow, it would be fine with me. And yes, I've also been to many counselors/therapists, with no major help.
I have read many books on suffering. I have talked to many priests about suffering. To tell me to "offer it up" and "finding joy in my suffering" and so on is all fine and dandy on a logical level. I logically know that God won't allow anything to happen that I can't handle it.
But telling me this is not re-assuring me anymore.
I am struggling with working full time. I need the job--it pays the rent, provides health insurance and so on. I've been with the company for over 16 years now. I'm too "sick" to look for a new job; I can't afford not to work. I do not have a husband to support me, and the few family members I have are not in positions to help me. All my 'energy' is focused on work. I do not have a "social life" outside of work. The only 'extra-curricular' things I do are doctor appointments and Mass.
I do not know how much longer I can live this way. I feel myself getting 'mad' at God right now and turning bitter.
I am not asking for medical advice here, but I want to know how does one keep the faith, especially long-term, when dealing with long-term illness. How do I keep the hope? I live my life one day at a time. But I can't see myself living like this for another 20-30-40 years.
Thanks!