Many of you here on the CAF Family Life forum might recall that I am on a six month "sabbatical" from contact with my mother. I have noticed that I have become far more relaxed and happy since stopping all contact with her. I am not experiencing anxiety attacks anymore. In short, my husband and I believe that with my emotional health improving, this demonstrates my decision to stop contact completely was the right one. That and the fact that I have had memories surface that had been repressed that reinforce the idea that her behavior is dangerous for me and my children. So this is all good to acknowledge honestly...
So to my question...
My two youngest children have recently had birthdays. This morning, I discovered birthday cards and gift certificates for them from my mother that my husband intercepted and hid until he could calmly sit down and talk to me about it. When I realized what he had done, I was so thankful to him, and I wished I had not accidentally found them. Anyway, now I am experiencing a flood of guilt and feelings that I had experienced some freedom from when I cut off contact.
And so my question is...
What in the world should I do with/about these birthday cards? I am clueless. :shrug:
My husband and I plan on talking about this issue this weekend, but in our initial conversation, both of us were unsure how to proceed. I am happier and healthier without her in my life. My children are free from her potentially damaging influence.
One added complication is that she is raising my niece, who is the same age as my oldest daughter. I want to send a Christmas card and gift certificate to my niece, but because of her young age (7) this communication between my niece and myself will necessarily have to go through and be approved by my mother, who will then have implied approval to communication with my children.
This is really troublesome for me, so any wisdom you may have will be welcome for my husband and I. Thank you.
So to my question...
My two youngest children have recently had birthdays. This morning, I discovered birthday cards and gift certificates for them from my mother that my husband intercepted and hid until he could calmly sit down and talk to me about it. When I realized what he had done, I was so thankful to him, and I wished I had not accidentally found them. Anyway, now I am experiencing a flood of guilt and feelings that I had experienced some freedom from when I cut off contact.
And so my question is...
What in the world should I do with/about these birthday cards? I am clueless. :shrug:
My husband and I plan on talking about this issue this weekend, but in our initial conversation, both of us were unsure how to proceed. I am happier and healthier without her in my life. My children are free from her potentially damaging influence.
One added complication is that she is raising my niece, who is the same age as my oldest daughter. I want to send a Christmas card and gift certificate to my niece, but because of her young age (7) this communication between my niece and myself will necessarily have to go through and be approved by my mother, who will then have implied approval to communication with my children.
This is really troublesome for me, so any wisdom you may have will be welcome for my husband and I. Thank you.