I need some advice. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. Recently we had a conversation in which I suggested that we start having more practical talks about moving towards marriage. While I am not ready to propose tomorrow, I think it is important to start discussing some more practical things.
In the context of this conversation she mentioned that she had student loans and credit card debt. I personally am debt free. I worked many years to get where I am financially today, working overtime to the point of burnout (that was when the economy was good), saving money like crazy, eating a diet of mainly rice and beans, not having a cell phone for many years, etc.
She's currently in a program for a higher degree, receiving funds from her university, and seems unconcerned about money. She's very passive about this situation. If I personally were in her situation I would be doing all I can to get out of debt, like looking for extra jobs, even working at McDonald's.
I had no idea that she was in debt, especially credit card debt because of the way she lives. She has a better phone than I do, a better computer, two pets, and buys really expensive organic food, not to mention she makes major purchases on an impulse.
The day after we had that talk I thought for many hours about what she had said. Later on that evening I saw her and I decided to bring along the book "The Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey I mentioned to her that I had thought about our conversation and I think she really needs to get the debt under control. When I mentioned this she totally shut down and became silent. She would not discuss it further really. I thought we could have a practical discussion about how much debt we are talking about here. 10 thousand is a lot different than 50 thousand.
Then later on that night as I was leaving she said "I will take a look at that book, even though I don't want to."
We are on the same page regarding most other things (religion, worldview, etc) but in my view, I didn't kill myself building up a savings these past few years to pay someone else's debt after marriage. It's different with debt and financial hardship incurred AFTER marriage such as when a child gets sick, etc. But I don't feel it would be right for me to marry her and have to pay off her debt. As it is with my new career I feel like I am burning the candle and both ends of the stick, I can't really get married and then get a second job to pay for her bad decisions. As I said, it's different with debt incurred after marriage.
Is it a warning sign that she is closed to talking about this openly or am I pushing things too much? I mean she says she loves me and would like to get married to me some day, but then we can't just have a practical discussion.
In the context of this conversation she mentioned that she had student loans and credit card debt. I personally am debt free. I worked many years to get where I am financially today, working overtime to the point of burnout (that was when the economy was good), saving money like crazy, eating a diet of mainly rice and beans, not having a cell phone for many years, etc.
She's currently in a program for a higher degree, receiving funds from her university, and seems unconcerned about money. She's very passive about this situation. If I personally were in her situation I would be doing all I can to get out of debt, like looking for extra jobs, even working at McDonald's.
I had no idea that she was in debt, especially credit card debt because of the way she lives. She has a better phone than I do, a better computer, two pets, and buys really expensive organic food, not to mention she makes major purchases on an impulse.
The day after we had that talk I thought for many hours about what she had said. Later on that evening I saw her and I decided to bring along the book "The Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey I mentioned to her that I had thought about our conversation and I think she really needs to get the debt under control. When I mentioned this she totally shut down and became silent. She would not discuss it further really. I thought we could have a practical discussion about how much debt we are talking about here. 10 thousand is a lot different than 50 thousand.
Then later on that night as I was leaving she said "I will take a look at that book, even though I don't want to."
We are on the same page regarding most other things (religion, worldview, etc) but in my view, I didn't kill myself building up a savings these past few years to pay someone else's debt after marriage. It's different with debt and financial hardship incurred AFTER marriage such as when a child gets sick, etc. But I don't feel it would be right for me to marry her and have to pay off her debt. As it is with my new career I feel like I am burning the candle and both ends of the stick, I can't really get married and then get a second job to pay for her bad decisions. As I said, it's different with debt incurred after marriage.
Is it a warning sign that she is closed to talking about this openly or am I pushing things too much? I mean she says she loves me and would like to get married to me some day, but then we can't just have a practical discussion.