My boyfriend and I love each other very much and we want to get married. We have been dating for a very long time as we first met and fell in love at a fairly young age (I was 17; he was 19). I am now getting ready to graduate college and we had both idealistically wanted to get married at this point. However, we have been at an impasse for several months. Since I joined the church several years ago, he had agreed that we would use NFP after we were married. (We were going to wait a few years before having kids due to some external factors.) My boyfriend is a faithful Cradle Catholic, although certainly not as well-formed as I am. But things have changed in the past six months, and he now refuses to use NFP without also using condoms. The reason behind this is because, although he thinks NFP will probably work, he needs a "contingency plan" and he also does not beliefs using condoms is wrong. In accordance with the Church's teachings, I believe any form of contraception is intrinsically evil and thus cannot agree to it. He doesn't agree with the Church. He thinks the "spirit of the Church" is correct, but that it doesn't apply to married persons. He believes he can change my mind, surely out of desperate hope that we can stay together and get married. But having lived my life apart from God in the past, I cannot intentionally commit such a sin. He believes I am choosing a "rule" over him; I can't believe that he would ask me to do something that I think is immoral.
He is really not willing to put forth much effort with this because he does not want to change his mind. I met with a priest and even gave him the opportunity to meet with a man who practiced NFP, and my boyfriend did not want to go. He says he has read the relevant chapter of a theology of the body book and has "looked at" Humanae Vitae. But he is being so terribly stubborn...I just don't know what to do anymore. Although he agreed to NFP in the past, I knew that his beliefs were not as strong in it and thus I have been praying about this issue for years.
We are both committed to each other and have even entertained getting married and abstaining for most of the relationship (but we both know that is just silly), or just plain waiting to get married for several more years (but after 5 years of long distance, that seems silly too..especially because we could be looking at another 4-5 years of dating).
Honestly, this is all just breaks my heart. It is hard to not be sentimental at this point, because in my mind we really should have been planning our wedding at this point and now we are being faced with breaking up. We are on the same page with nearly all major issues...for it to come down to this, it's really just hard to describe. I am confident that I am doing the right thing by not giving in to using contraceptives, although it would truthfully be the easiest thing to do.
Does anyone have any advice for me? Anything I can tell him? Show him? Any Bible verses to pray about or send him?
Please just pray for us. At least that he may understand where I am coming from. I love him so very much and want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I know that I cannot compromise my beliefs even if it is to be with the man I love. He thinks I would be choosing a "rule" over him, but he does not understand that I would be choosing God over him.
Thank you all and God Bless.
He is really not willing to put forth much effort with this because he does not want to change his mind. I met with a priest and even gave him the opportunity to meet with a man who practiced NFP, and my boyfriend did not want to go. He says he has read the relevant chapter of a theology of the body book and has "looked at" Humanae Vitae. But he is being so terribly stubborn...I just don't know what to do anymore. Although he agreed to NFP in the past, I knew that his beliefs were not as strong in it and thus I have been praying about this issue for years.
We are both committed to each other and have even entertained getting married and abstaining for most of the relationship (but we both know that is just silly), or just plain waiting to get married for several more years (but after 5 years of long distance, that seems silly too..especially because we could be looking at another 4-5 years of dating).
Honestly, this is all just breaks my heart. It is hard to not be sentimental at this point, because in my mind we really should have been planning our wedding at this point and now we are being faced with breaking up. We are on the same page with nearly all major issues...for it to come down to this, it's really just hard to describe. I am confident that I am doing the right thing by not giving in to using contraceptives, although it would truthfully be the easiest thing to do.
Does anyone have any advice for me? Anything I can tell him? Show him? Any Bible verses to pray about or send him?
Please just pray for us. At least that he may understand where I am coming from. I love him so very much and want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I know that I cannot compromise my beliefs even if it is to be with the man I love. He thinks I would be choosing a "rule" over him, but he does not understand that I would be choosing God over him.
Thank you all and God Bless.