Believing in DIVINE MERCY

Dear Forum

This is the first time I've ever posted in regards with a request for help in this matter.

As most of you know, I'm carrying a VER HEAVY Cross of scrupulosity. I am devoted to the SACRED HEART. I love my Faith, I love my LORD and have a desire/ a possible call to sacrifice my life for Both of THEM. However, I have this cross I am carrying. It pushes me to the verge of despair quite a lot. It submerges me into dryness as well at times. The fact that I'm still considering a vocation to the Priesthood is a miracle. I "believe" Our LORD is merciful on paper. As my life states though, I don't see HIM as such. I love HIM dearly and do not wish to offend HIM by saying this. The fact that HE spared me this morning and woke me up is an act of HIS MERCY. However, I WANT to believe in the DIVINE MERCY practically and rid myself of scrupulosity.

I go to confession and fear the chasms of hell are open beneath my feet

I get out of confession and somtimes feel that the only moments I'm in the state of Grace is the moments after absolution. Thats about it sometimes I feel.

I see sin everywhere!!

I'm bombarded by impure thoughts during the day at school, that I DO NOT WANT

and the list goes on...


As Brothers and Sisters in Holy Mother Church, I ask you for your compassion. I do not want vitrolic or condemning thoughts. Scrupulosity is a pain I would not wish on anyone. Literally. It makes your life a Living Hell.

I ask your advice and prayers as well, for my scrupulosity and my vocation.

:o:(