My children at home include a 17 year old daughter and sons from 16 down to 7. the problem is with my 16 year old. He's a pretty good student, volunteers to teach Sunday school to the younger kids at church, plays in the bell choir, wants to grow in his faith, pushes us to go to Mass on holy days of obligation, and is generally pleasant and regarded as a very good kid by the adults at church and his teachers.
But we are beginning to have repeat incidents of him lighting into the other kids. Thanksgiving was a nightmare due to him picking at DD17 and refusing to stop. In October, he shut DS10 outside and refused to let him back in--it's very chilly here in October. DS16 was doing it in the name of discipline--insisting the 10 year old pick something up off the deck.
Today, I was gone at the grocery store for literally less than 15 minutes, and came back to find the same 10 year old almost in tears behind a chair, saying he's scared of DS16. It turns out there was an argument between DS10 and DS7, in which DS16 intervened. He slapped DS10's hand, and when DS10 objected, grabbed him. DS10, in yanking away, accidentally hit DS16 in the face, so DS16 hit him hard, twice, in the head. DS, btw, is 6'1" and DS10 is quite small for his age--maybe 4'9" and 65 pounds.
Beyond him getting rough with the younger kids, the problem is that he's obstinate and in-my-face about it. He continues to insist, three months later, that he has done nothing wrong. He argues continually over verbs--saying he didn't 'lock' DS10 outside, or 'shut' him outside, or 'force' him to stand in the cold, but that he 'put' him outside. He talks over me and insists that I need to deal with his brothers, that he himself has done nothing wrong.
I do deal with each of the kids regarding their part in these things, but he either doesn't see that or refuses to acknowledge it. (Part of the nightmare of Thanksgiving was BOTH him and DS17 furious at me for saying anything to them about their parts in the fight, and BOTH of them insisting I was doing nothing about the other--ironic. :mad:)
At this point, no amount of discipline, talking, privileges, anything, seems to have any impact on his attitude. He shrugs and says, "Okay" to anything he loses, or tells me I have no right to revoke whatever privilege it is, and accuses me of throwing my weight around and 'bullying' him by doing anything at all in response to him hitting his brothers.
I have discussed with him the fact that his faith and desire to go to Mass are meaningless if he doesn't treat his siblings with love. None of it seems to have any impact at all, and he seems to continue to feel entirely justified in hitting his younger and much smaller siblings. When I tell him it's bullying, he simply says, "No, it's not," and seems to feel that as long as he can keep telling me no it's not, and arguing about which verbs I use to describe what he's done to them, that somehow he's won something. (I'm not sure why, as he's getting in trouble for the hitting, anyway.)
Any thoughts on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated. Any prayers for him would be greatly appreciated, too.
But we are beginning to have repeat incidents of him lighting into the other kids. Thanksgiving was a nightmare due to him picking at DD17 and refusing to stop. In October, he shut DS10 outside and refused to let him back in--it's very chilly here in October. DS16 was doing it in the name of discipline--insisting the 10 year old pick something up off the deck.
Today, I was gone at the grocery store for literally less than 15 minutes, and came back to find the same 10 year old almost in tears behind a chair, saying he's scared of DS16. It turns out there was an argument between DS10 and DS7, in which DS16 intervened. He slapped DS10's hand, and when DS10 objected, grabbed him. DS10, in yanking away, accidentally hit DS16 in the face, so DS16 hit him hard, twice, in the head. DS, btw, is 6'1" and DS10 is quite small for his age--maybe 4'9" and 65 pounds.
Beyond him getting rough with the younger kids, the problem is that he's obstinate and in-my-face about it. He continues to insist, three months later, that he has done nothing wrong. He argues continually over verbs--saying he didn't 'lock' DS10 outside, or 'shut' him outside, or 'force' him to stand in the cold, but that he 'put' him outside. He talks over me and insists that I need to deal with his brothers, that he himself has done nothing wrong.
I do deal with each of the kids regarding their part in these things, but he either doesn't see that or refuses to acknowledge it. (Part of the nightmare of Thanksgiving was BOTH him and DS17 furious at me for saying anything to them about their parts in the fight, and BOTH of them insisting I was doing nothing about the other--ironic. :mad:)
At this point, no amount of discipline, talking, privileges, anything, seems to have any impact on his attitude. He shrugs and says, "Okay" to anything he loses, or tells me I have no right to revoke whatever privilege it is, and accuses me of throwing my weight around and 'bullying' him by doing anything at all in response to him hitting his brothers.
I have discussed with him the fact that his faith and desire to go to Mass are meaningless if he doesn't treat his siblings with love. None of it seems to have any impact at all, and he seems to continue to feel entirely justified in hitting his younger and much smaller siblings. When I tell him it's bullying, he simply says, "No, it's not," and seems to feel that as long as he can keep telling me no it's not, and arguing about which verbs I use to describe what he's done to them, that somehow he's won something. (I'm not sure why, as he's getting in trouble for the hitting, anyway.)
Any thoughts on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated. Any prayers for him would be greatly appreciated, too.