I have been in RCIA since August. I have been going to Mass. I was baptised Catholic but never finished the other sacraments due to family issues when I was a child. It has taken me alot of years to get over my fears and anxiety to do this. I have no doubt in my mind at all that I want to complete my sacraments and be a part of the Catholic Church. No doubts at all. I am however having an issue with this parish. I have posted before about being underwhelmed. I still am.
I do not feel a connection at all to this parish in any way. Nor to anyone in my RCIA group. I see all of the others in the group chit chatting and sitting with each at Mass and so on. I just don't feel like a part of the group. The RCIA leader goes on and on in class about how joining the church is not a personal private thing, it has a community thing. We are not doing this for ourselves but to be a part of the community. We are doing this to be accepted by the parish members. This parish is very community oriented, with a ton of groups for people to join and so on. Every class starts with a reading from the bible and then the leader asks what we "heard" in that passage. How did we feel about it? And people are giving these profound answers and everything is so deep. And how they hear God speaking to them and so on. I don't hear any of that. I hear the words that are being read. And I understand the words and I know what they mean. But I am not hearing the deeper things everyone else seems to. I don't hear God talking to me.
I understand that joining the Catholic church is about being part of a community. I get that. And I think it is wonderful. But I am doing this for me. Not to be accepted by anyone. I have always been a very independent person. I have never in my life been a person who felt they had to be accepted by others. I, frankly, don't care what others think of me. And I think that is a great thing. I am me. I am not here to worry about who will accept me. I am not wanting to complete the sacraments to be accepted by the people in the parish. I am doing it for me. Because it is right for me. It is my life and after life that I am concerned with. I have no problem being a part of the community. I think it is great. But that is not my reason for doing this.
So I feel like I am the one who is wrong. Because I don't hear God. Because I don't care about being accepted. So then I feel like if I am not doing it for their reasons, then I shouldn't be doing RCIA. I don't feel that I put off a leave me alone vibe. I join in conversations. I just feel like I am the only idiot who hasn't read the entire bible and can quote it. Or I am the only one not hearing God talking to me.
I can't even say what brought me back to the church. I don't have solid answers. It just feels right. I am a go with your gut kind of person. I always follow my gut or follow my instincts and I have always been right. I don't have a sign from Jesus story that lead me back to the Catholic Church.
I am rambling. It all made sense when I was talking to my husband the other night :)
So I feel like this parish is not the right one for me. So do I continue on with RCIA to get it done? Even though I have no connection to anyone or to the parish.
Sorry for the babbling. I know what I am trying to say it is just not coming out well.
Heather
I do not feel a connection at all to this parish in any way. Nor to anyone in my RCIA group. I see all of the others in the group chit chatting and sitting with each at Mass and so on. I just don't feel like a part of the group. The RCIA leader goes on and on in class about how joining the church is not a personal private thing, it has a community thing. We are not doing this for ourselves but to be a part of the community. We are doing this to be accepted by the parish members. This parish is very community oriented, with a ton of groups for people to join and so on. Every class starts with a reading from the bible and then the leader asks what we "heard" in that passage. How did we feel about it? And people are giving these profound answers and everything is so deep. And how they hear God speaking to them and so on. I don't hear any of that. I hear the words that are being read. And I understand the words and I know what they mean. But I am not hearing the deeper things everyone else seems to. I don't hear God talking to me.
I understand that joining the Catholic church is about being part of a community. I get that. And I think it is wonderful. But I am doing this for me. Not to be accepted by anyone. I have always been a very independent person. I have never in my life been a person who felt they had to be accepted by others. I, frankly, don't care what others think of me. And I think that is a great thing. I am me. I am not here to worry about who will accept me. I am not wanting to complete the sacraments to be accepted by the people in the parish. I am doing it for me. Because it is right for me. It is my life and after life that I am concerned with. I have no problem being a part of the community. I think it is great. But that is not my reason for doing this.
So I feel like I am the one who is wrong. Because I don't hear God. Because I don't care about being accepted. So then I feel like if I am not doing it for their reasons, then I shouldn't be doing RCIA. I don't feel that I put off a leave me alone vibe. I join in conversations. I just feel like I am the only idiot who hasn't read the entire bible and can quote it. Or I am the only one not hearing God talking to me.
I can't even say what brought me back to the church. I don't have solid answers. It just feels right. I am a go with your gut kind of person. I always follow my gut or follow my instincts and I have always been right. I don't have a sign from Jesus story that lead me back to the Catholic Church.
I am rambling. It all made sense when I was talking to my husband the other night :)
So I feel like this parish is not the right one for me. So do I continue on with RCIA to get it done? Even though I have no connection to anyone or to the parish.
Sorry for the babbling. I know what I am trying to say it is just not coming out well.
Heather